I’m a total advocate for financial wellness in relationships, and recently, I spoke about that topic on the Getsome Podcast hosted by certified sex therapist Michelle Fischler. We explored the seldom-discussed dynamic of money and sex, including how our relationship with money extends beyond the wallet and into the heart of our relationships and sex life.
Exploring the intersection of money and sex
Money is a significant source of stress for so many people. We think about it, talk about it, and worry about it. However, we rarely explore the parallels, patterns, and behaviours that reveal themselves in our relationship with money and how those exact parallels, patterns, and behaviours also show up in our sexual relationships.
Try this thought on for size: How I am about money is how I am about sex. Then, explore the idea and note your findings.
What did you discover?
Money’s influence extends far beyond the wallet. Consider the challenges and opportunities when navigating income differences with a partner. What happens when you have these kinds of discussions? What’s predictable for you? For your partner?
Switching topics now, what happens when you navigate a conversation about your sexual preferences?
Building foundation amidst fear and shame
You say vanilla, and your partner says variety is the spice of life. Yes, and yes, now what? See any parallels or familiar patterns?
Engaging in these tricky conversations openly and honestly, even admitting that they are scary for you, builds a foundation you can build on over time. Be mindful of unexpressed expectations or assumptions around financial contributions and commitments.
Money conversations with significant others have the potential to be laden with fear and shame, and that can manifest in many different ways.
It can look like defensiveness, secrecy, resistance, avoidance, overgiving, undergiving, guarding, exploiting and much more.
Understand each other’s financial situation with compassion and perspective. This will require you to examine how your dynamic dances with your partner’s dynamic. Are you a fixer, rescuer, solver? How much debt is problematic for you? What about your partner?
Intimate conversations build relationship resilience
Investing in transparent conversations provides long-term returns, deepens intimacy and increases relationship satisfaction. Having “what would you do if conversations…” early in the relationship takes courage, but if there are substantial philosophical differences, you won’t be surprised when those show up after the sizzle has fizzled.
