If you just read my other blog post, A Framework To Transform How You Lead & Live, you’ll have read that self-awareness tends to focus on content and only scratches the surface of what’s possible. Perhaps you’re still not clear about the difference between being an observer vs being self-aware.
The distinction lies in what aspect of the self you’re being aware of and how that awareness functions. Let’s unpack that a little more.
Self-Awareness: Awareness of Content
When I speak of self-awareness, especially in psychological or emotional development contexts, I mean:
- Becoming aware of your thoughts (“I keep thinking I’m not good enough”)
- Noticing your feelings (“I’m anxious right now”)
- Identifying your behaviours (“I shut down in conflict”)
- Recognizing patterns (“I always procrastinate when I feel overwhelmed”)
These are contents of your experience. You’re observing what’s in your mind, body, or emotions but you’re not necessarily questioning the lens through which you’re observing those things. You’re looking at the products of the self, rather than the structure of the self-as-observer.
So yes, you’re being “self-aware,” but you’re mostly aware of what’s happening inside you, not yet the deeper framework shaping how those experiences arise or who you are being in relation to them.
Observer of Self: Awareness of Context
In contrast, becoming an observer of self (ontologically) includes the questions:
- What is the worldview, the identity, the mood, or the interpretation from which I am experiencing this?
- What kind of observer am I being that this thought/feeling/action makes sense to me right now?
You move from just observing the content (like noticing you’re angry), to observing the way of being that gives rise to your anger—your sense of identity, the narrative you’re living in, the emotional atmosphere you’re inhabiting, and even your body’s habitual posture or breath.
Here’s an Example to Clarify
Imagine you’re in a meeting and feel irritated.
Self-awareness might sound like:
“I’m feeling irritated. I get like this when people interrupt me. I should calm down.”
You’ve named the emotion, possibly identified a trigger. You’re aware of the content of your internal state.
Observer of self might sound like:
“I notice I’m being the kind of observer for whom being interrupted feels like a threat to my value. I’m in a mood of defensiveness. My story is that I need to prove myself to be respected. I’m holding tension in my chest.”
This brings in the deeper structure: your identity concerns, embodied state, mood, and interpretation of the moment. It opens up space to shift your way of being, not just your feeling.
And by the way… it takes practice to be able to observe that way and articulate it so precisely! Oftentimes, we need coach support to get there.
In Summary
| Self-Awareness | Observer of Self (Ontological) |
|---|---|
| “What am I feeling/thinking/doing?” | “From what way of being am I seeing this?” |
| Focused on the inner content of experience | Focused on the structure of the observer who is having the experience |
| Useful for insight and emotional literacy | Oriented toward transformation and creating new possibilities |
So yes, both are awareness of “self” but they operate at different levels of depth. One is about what’s happening in you, the other is about who you are being as the one experiencing it.
Powerful distinctions equal powerful life! And did I mention, so much freaking joy?! You’ll see… 😉 get it?
