How to Respond to Criticism Without Losing Yourself (A Coach’s Process)

Someone criticized my presentation once as being “pop psychology,” something I’m strongly opposed to and have never subscribed to.

In a moment I felt devastated, gutted, small and silenced.

First of all, let me tell you, speaking in front of a large crowd is a remarkable physiological feat, vulnerable and courageous, before, during and after. When I present, I bring my whole being and until some time has passed, the highly sensory, neurodivergent me is raw and recovering from the experience.

Perhaps you’ve encountered a similar experience in being who you be, doing what you do. Maybe it’s the exact scenario you imagine that causes you to stall stepping out, being seen, putting yourself out there. My hope is that you hear something for yourself in how I process this and keep going, undeterred by comments that cut deep.

What I also want to prime your listening with is this… the comments that cut deep usually have elements of truth but our physiology can respond with caution, protection or collapse. It’s one thing to know there’s gold in the criticism and quite another to work through the physiological response in order to be able to hear.

Here’s the process I take myself through that eventually allows me to hear and receive the message I’m meant to.

Self-Reflection & Inquiry: What about that comment is bothering me so much?

My go-to in moments like this is self-reflection through writing. It’s one of the most powerful tools I have for getting honest with myself.

The comment is bothering me so much because it cuts at the core of my professional identity and integrity. Here’s why it likely struck such a nerve:

1. It misrepresents my work: I’m deeply trained, experienced, and committed to evidence-based, meaningful work. Being lumped in with “pop psychology” feels like a dismissal of the depth, rigour, and nuance I bring.
2. It challenges my values: If I actively stand against oversimplified or superficial psychology, being associated with it doesn’t just feel inaccurate, but offensive, like being accused of betraying my own standards.
3. It touches a nerve around credibility: For a professional who has invested years into mastery, being misunderstood or minimized as “trendy” or “pop” feels like a threat to how seriously I’m taken, especially in high-stakes or high-integrity settings.
4. I feel unseen or invalidated: When someone mischaracterizes my work, especially if they didn’t really take the time to understand it, it feels dismissive, like they’re not seeing what I actually bring to the table.
5. I care: At the root of it, I’m bothered because this work matters to me. It’s not just a job, it’s my calling. When someone carelessly labels it in a way that feels diminishing, it hits me where I live.
6. It’s part of a bigger pattern: This isn’t an isolated sting. There are academics with PhDs who have never done this work who have never sat across from someone in the actual, unpredictable process of shifting a human being and it’s obvious they haven’t. Yet they get listened to, quoted, and taken seriously just because of the letters behind their name. Meanwhile those of us who’ve spent years actually doing the work, in the room, get dismissed as “pop psychology.”

Exploring how to respond, internally or externally, in a way that reinforces my sense of self and professionalism. Processing and responding, internally first, and externally if needed, so that I stay rooted in my values and don’t let someone else’s (possibly uninformed) comment throw me off course.

Internal Response: Reclaiming My Ground

1. I clarify the truth for myself:

“What I offer is grounded in years of training, real-world application, and a deep respect for human complexity. It’s the opposite of pop psychology, which often reduces people to formulas or quick fixes.”

Remind myself that one person’s mislabeling doesn’t define my work. It reflects their lens, not my reality.

2. I get curious before reactive:

I ask myself:

1. “Is there any truth here I want to investigate?” (e.g. Did I oversimplify something in that presentation? If so, great good feedback.)
2. “Or was that person coming from their own bias, discomfort, or misunderstanding?”
3. “Or maybe both…”
4. I anchor back to purpose:

“I do this work because I believe in transformation that respects the whole person, not surface-level advice or Instagram-worthy soundbites. That’s the opposite of what ‘pop psychology’ stands for.”

I know who I am. This is my moment to re-align, not re-justify.

External Response (if I choose to say something)

I could respond calmly and firmly, either in conversation or follow-up:

“I noticed you referred to my presentation as ‘pop psychology.’ That caught me off guard, since my work is well researched and grounded in years of actual work causing the shifts in humans that some textbook academics only write about. I’m committed to moving beyond simplified or generalized approaches, so I’d be open to hearing more about what specifically gave that impression.”

This does three things:

1. Signals that I heard the comment and am not shrinking from it.
2. Affirms my credibility without defensiveness.
3. Invites dialogue rather than conflict.

A Deeper Thread

Underneath all of this, there’s an even deeper thread worth naming: the tiny threads of childhood wounds I still carry, quietly surfacing in a moment like this. That instant of feeling devastated, gutted, small and silenced wasn’t only about one comment, it was an old echo. A younger part of me who learned somewhere along the way that being seen, being judged, being gotten wrong, meant something to fear. I don’t need to shame that part of me for showing up. I get to notice her, hold her, and soothe her, the way I would a client sitting across from me. Not fix her, not silence her. Just meet her.

Final Thought

What’s bothered me wasn’t just the insult, it was the disconnect between my intention and their perception. That gap feels threatening, especially when I’ve worked so hard to bring depth, care, and precision to my craft. But this moment is a mirror, not a verdict. I get to decide what it reflects and what it doesn’t.

That struggle, the messy middle as I like to call it, is also at the epicenter of my coaching niche and purpose.

The purpose I believe I was born to live out over and over through the work I do with clients.

Heart centered, soul work, my gift.

Coaching for the Messy Middle

At the heart of every moment that shakes us, whether it’s a harsh comment, a wave of self-doubt, or an old wound resurfacing, is an invitation to come home to ourselves. Tracey Burns helps individuals move through the messy middle with more self-trust, resilience, and groundedness, so criticism and setbacks become doorways to growth instead of reasons to shrink.

Individual coaching and support:

• Reclaiming confidence after criticism or setbacks
• Building emotional resilience and self-trust
• Healing old wounds that surface in present-day moments
• Finding your voice and standing in your credibility
• Navigating transitions and change with groundedness

You don’t have to face the messy middle alone. Start your journey with professional support today.