October is always planning month for me. This includes the usual business planning for the fast-approaching new year and some extraordinary deep reflection. The latter happens spontaneously on crunchy autumn walks, drives through multi-coloured trees, and streets covered in nature’s confetti. This morning, the inspiration for this particular blog post arrived as I cradled a delicious, hot cup of coffee and contemplated my marketing approaches, looking at what had worked, what was in alignment with me, and also what might need to retire.
One of us has to…
Recently, I’ve heard myself say with a bit of self-awe, “For over 20 years, I’ve generated my business solely by word of mouth.” And although that’s something I can absolutely be proud of, I actually have a different take on it now.
In this hyper-noisy, algorithm-driven landscape, relying solely on word of mouth places an unfair burden on nervous systems, relationships, and energy, especially for relationally-oriented, sensitive, values-driven practitioners.
Make no mistake, I’ve done a lot more than sit around and wait for happy clients to refer me, but that part of the machine has recently slowed to a trickle. Clients are still delighted with their ROI, but the ecosystem has shifted.
My theory is that word of mouth worked when communities were tighter, trust circles were smaller and more loyal, visibility pathways were simpler, attention wasn’t fragmented across a million platforms, and people weren’t overwhelmed by choice fatigue and digital noise.
Word of mouth still matters deeply, but now it needs scaffolding and support. We need content as relationship maintenance. We need community for visibility. Collaborations instead of siloed hustle. Clarity of niche instead of “serve everyone.” And psychological safety and resonance in marketing, not pressure tactics.
That one is edgy for folks like me whose career depends on being bold without being pushy, ethical while still reflecting truths others avoid, rooted in presence rather than performance. We’re always walking the edge, coaching in service, not in safety. If we get fired for truth, we are doing the work.
I recently sent out a pre-holiday offer to current clients and went a step further with “not now” responses, going beyond where most people stop. That is what people hire me for: depth, attunement, honesty. I make sure to offer that value at every opportunity.
I’m going to stop saying, “I’ve achieved my business solely by word of mouth,” because for meaning-driven service providers in today’s world, word of mouth alone often leads to feast-and-famine cycles, clients who love the work but don’t share it because sharing feels vulnerable, emotional pressure on clients to refer, and quiet shame spirals like, “If my work is so good why isn’t it spreading?”
Here is the deeper layer that emerged for me in this reflection:
Trauma responses show up in business too. Freeze. Retreat. Wait to be chosen. Hope to be discovered.
And here is a big one: word-of-mouth-only marketing often mirrors attachment patterns.
“If they love me, they’ll talk about me.”
“If I serve exquisitely, I will be chosen.”
There is a tender ache in that logic and a quiet trap that I don’t want to perpetuate with younger business associates today.
It can feel safer to wait than to be seen. Safer to stay in devotion than to brave visibility. Safer to trust the whispered referral than to deliberately take up space.
But this is a different world now. Not a meritocracy of excellence, but a landscape of attention.
Being outstanding does not guarantee being remembered.
And that is not a failure of our work, yours or mine. It is simply the reality of the times we are in.
So as much as I honour the purity of “word of mouth built my business,” I also recognize that for many of us, especially trauma-aware, relational, nervous-system-sensitive practitioners, that stance can keep us small, quiet, and mystically awaiting recognition instead of consciously allowing ourselves to be visible. And quite possibly, inadvertently, infusing shame into the next generation of business builders who actually have to do business differently.
Not performing.
Not shouting.
Not manipulating.
Just showing up.
In alignment.
In equity.
In integrity.
In attunement.
Word of mouth still matters deeply. It simply deserves support, structure, and intention.
Gentle scaffolding.
Resourced visibility.
Sacred self-presence, not self-promotion.
We do not just want to be found by accident. We get to be found on purpose.
And we can do that in a way that honours our nervous systems, protects our values, and lets our work breathe beyond the private praise of clients who quietly adore us.
I am no longer interested in being chosen in the shadows. I am choosing visibility as an act of service: to the work, to the folks I support, and to myself.
It is not that we need to shout louder. We need systems that hold us and help people remember us, without compromising integrity or nervous-system health.
Marketing as attunement, not performance.
Oh, and… GO JAYS and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
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